What a wild ride 2020 has been so far.
If you would have asked me five years ago where I thought I would be in 2020, it certainly was not here. I have learned a lot in five years. I have grieved, focused on my poetry, gone back to university, and above all else, put myself first.
And now we’re living through a pandemic. We’re all dealing with stress and uncertainty. Every day is yet another hurdle, a challenge, and it’s draining. For me, for you, for all of us.
At the end of December 2019, there were rumblings of a virus. I have to confess–I had thought it would be an epidemic and did not pay heed to the news. I was too busy getting ready to go back to university to finish my degree. I had so many things on my mind, and a pandemic was not one of them.
But by mid-April, I knew. It was a pandemic–I could no longer ignore it. In-person classes were cancelled and classes were moved online. But still, the anxiety and uncertainty remained.
When my city (and province) went on lockdown, there was a flurry of people buying toilet paper and stocking up on groceries. I’m sure you know about that. The anxiety of not knowing if we had enough groceries to last us a few days was tremendous. My family didn’t hoard anything since we knew that even in lockdown, we were still able to go to the grocery store. But it was still the fact that people were doing it that made me anxious.
I know I’m not alone in feeling anxious and uncertain about the future. I know we’re all worried about our health and the health of our loved ones. These are hard times–for all of us. We’re all dealing with grief over what could have been and the plans we had for 2020. We’re all living through a collective, shared trauma.
Aside from the pandemic, there is so much going on in the world. The Black Lives Matter movement, civil unrest, the 2020 US election, the wildfires. There are so many other things that are occurring right now but I am not going to be pedantic and list them all. It is just too much.
I made a conscious decision to limit the time I spend watching the news. At the beginning of the year, I gobbled up the news earnestly but I became exhausted and angry. In making that decision, I still get angry (I should probably work on that) but I am not overwhelmed–well, as overwhelmed as before. I recommend staying engaged and up-to-date but be careful by what and how much you consume.
I know many of us wish for this to be over and behind us. Every day I wake up, I try to be hopeful but it is getting harder and harder. I still try and I think, at this point in 2020, that’s all that should matter.
So this is my update on how I am doing– not great but at least I’m still here.
I hope you and your family are healthy and staying safe.
Much love in these uncertain times,
A.
Honeysuckle Haiku 